Impromptu update: I suddenly and accidentally got my chopper tonight! I just finished my April O'Neil pole costume (it's... terrible. I didn't even imagine it would be this bad) and wanted to get some photos in, so I hopped on the pole (seriously, why is my skin so slippery this week?) and did some moves. One of the poses I figured I'd try is a chopper, and it wasn't until I was doing the move that it suddenly occurred to me that this was easy. It didn't even take any effort to hold it up, and watching the video afterward, I had an amazing split and was holding it for a very long time.