Some photos from when Dad and I stopped in Tennessee on the way down to Florida from Wisconsin in May 2023
Just got off a 2 hour phone call with my Dad. It was one of, if not the best, conversations I think I've ever had with him. I called him because I was really upset with my mom re: how she responded to my telling her I didn't get the WDI job.
There are far too many things to mention, so I'm breaking them down into bullets:
The (WDI) Job:
- Of note: his reaction was a totally perfect, normal reaction. He kept reacting to the crazy feedback the recruiter gave me and asked a lot of questions.
- He agreed that the recruiter didn't make any sense and it didn't make any sense.
- He also agreed that I should reach out to another recruiter and try to connect with them.
- He said it sounds like something is really off inside the department, maybe with leadership, and this might not have been the right time or opportunity. It might have been a good omen
- He also said something sounds off with the recruiter.
- He's optimistic something might come from the opportunity Olivia mentioned through JRA or that she might connect me with WDI. I should just be truthful about my having interviewed there and not getting the job but pretend I don't know she had interviewed.
My Dream:
- He said to keep going, to keep pursuing my dream
- He said don't let Mom stop me, and don't do anything to appease her. Do what makes me happy and pursue that.
- He said he knew I could do it and that I would do it.
- "...When you get the Disney job." He says he knows I will, it'll happen. That meant a lot to me.
- He's seen people change careers all the time, sometimes late in their years and without any experience; but they made it work, and that's what you gotta do. You gotta take risks, just like Barry did. If Barry hadn't taken risks, he wouldn't have made the thing that jumpstarted his successful career.
- Just repeating again that he said I can do it, and I should do it. He knows I can.
As a Writer:
- He said he has heard Mom say to many people that I am an incredible writer. He knows she believes in my writing abilities. She has said I:
- Do lots of research
- Am thorough
- Take my time to make sure every detail is right. I'll spend as long as it takes to make sure everything is perfect.
- It flows naturally (something like that)
- She tells everyone I'm "the best writer she knows."
- He sincerely believes she thinks I am a phenomenal writer and writing is what I should do. (I'm underlining that because I think I might have blocked that part of the conversation from my memory, but I'm almost positive he said that when I was asking what it is that she wants me to do). She legitimately thinks I'm good at this.
As a Project Manager:
- Dad knows I'm a great project manager. Underlined because he said it with total confidence. He's seen me do it and already knows it's a strong skill of mine. It's not potential I have -- I've already done the work.
- He said I'm a great manager.
- He said if I were to move onto something else (career-wise), he said he could see me being really successful as a project manager.
- I need to emphasize that he kept saying I already am an incredibly project manager. I am. Not 'I could be.' The way he said it recognized me as an equal solidly into my career.
- Coming from him, as a project manager, that vote of confidence meant a lot.
- He said Mom knows I'm a good project manager, too; but he thinks there's confusion because a project manager in her old part of the world was something completely different, and she might not see me the same way. She might think I'm not meets the standards of a project manager because in her limited world, it's something else.
- But he said a project manager is very different company-to-company, and what a project manager does in one place might be totally different somewhere else. What Lea does is different from what Brian does is different from what I do. And Mom doesn't know that because she doesn't know better.
- But she think I'm good at being a (project) manager.
Mom:
- He apologized on her behalf, which I said he didn't have to do.
- He said multiple times he was sorry for what she said and how it made me feel, which is honestly all I needed to hear.
- Mom did this to Mark when he wanted to start his own business when he was 18. But Dad said go for it, follow your dream; and what was the worst that could happen? It fails and he starts over.
- Mom's always been like this; he doesn't think it's a new development. He thinks it might have to do with how her parents brought her up. Talking curtly without compassion or empathy.
- He also said it might have something to do with the fact that she was in an admin role with very different responsibilities in a very different setting (e.g., union, under bosses but never being the boss), and it may be that she just doesn't understand.
- When I asked him if she wanted me to go into a different field originally, he mentioned that Mom doesn't understand/know why I went into social work (and neither does he, "but that's neither here nor there"). Which makes me wonder if she feels like it came out of left field and I could have been in a more "successful" field, so I "deserve" the struggle. But when I asked if she wanted me to go into something else, he said no.
- He suggested maybe I talk to her when I'm home.
- He said now that it's happened, pretend I'm a rubber duck and let the water just wash over me and take me along somewhere else. I've never heard that expression before, and I never would have expected it from my dad, but it was really insightful and effective.
Dad:
- Dad has never broken a bone before, but he did crack a rib once in elementary school when he was in the pitcher's mound and the batter's bat flung out and hit him in the chest. They didn't do anything to treat it and he doesn't remember anything more.
- Grandpa used to drive a traveling x-ray diagnostics truck during the Great Depression; and when Dad was a kid, he used to pull Dad out of school and travel around the country with him and the truck. They went to Washington D.C. and a few other places.
- He can hear spectacularly over the phone (seriously, it was 100%, maybe even better), but almost not at all in-person. He said you have to get 6 inches away, and even then it's bad. And his comprehension of words is only at 60% at about normal volume.
- DON'T CALL THE HOME PHONE if you want to talk to him. 🤣 That was the takeaway.
- He only recently realized that Mom was getting frustrated with him not being able to hear him. That's much later than I would have thought for that realization, but you know, now is better than never. He felt really bad about it.
- Sometimes he doesn't like going to Manfred's or other places because all he ends up doing is staring at a wall.
- He was a Director for the past year with the Lion's Club and has another year to go, but he didn't even know he was a Director and doesn't know what it does (lol).
- This coming year he's going to be 2nd Vice President, and he'll be in charge of a number of committees, although he doesn't know what they are.
- He loves doing things with the Lions. I could tell he pivoted the conversation to something positive by talking about it, which is adorable.
- Last week they went to Bay Lane (I think there were 21 one of them?) and gave 500+ students vision tests to see if they possibly needed glasses. He seems to love doing this.
Random:
- He said the cyborgs wouldn't take him in a fight because he's too old, so he'd fight with the humans. But the humans might not trust him, so he'd become a "half breed," like the Cher song (I'd never heard of it, but it's this song)
- He'd never heard of the Beach Boy album, "Beach Boys," so I'm going to share it with him.
- I feel like a jerk because I mentioned that I'm coming home next month but I kind of don't want to because I'm really resentful towards and upset with Mom right now; but that wasn't true, and I think it hurt his feelings and made him really sad. He kept saying how he hopes I'll come home and wants me to come home, he wants to see me.
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