Weird dreams

I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping this week. Between a host of unrelaxing dreams, difficulties falling asleep, and difficulties staying asleep, I feel utterly exhausted during the daytime. 

Yesterday, I had so many odd dreams. In one of them, Skylar was a fluffy black cat like Sammie and I asked Brian at what age do children turn from cats into children, and he and Michelle made fun of me for thinking children were cats, even though she clearly was. He passed her over to me to hold at one point, but Skylar squirmed out of my grip right away, and I was confused how I was supposed to hold cat - children. 

I had a more concerning dream about Roto. In the dream, Trevor from KSC work, the gal that freelanced with us once at Roto who used to work there, and I had been hired on as freelancers to write had pitch two ideas for some kind of show. 

In the dream, the timeline aligned with this past weekend when I have been asked to guest lecture at UCF for their show writing course and found out at the last second Sunday night that I was supposed to put together a presentation, but the whole weekend was completely busy between my roommate's boyfriend's funeral at the house and my Souper Bowl party the next day. I had been rushing and stressing out the following day on Monday to get the presentation done on time, even editing it on the go in the car on the way to the university. So in my dream, I had been on equal time constraints and had been rushing to get these two scripts done.

Luckily, the other gal offered to present first, but then I realized that the tone of the scripts was supposed to be funny, and mine weren't quite, so I tried making an alternative one that was actually a pretty good idea. But I was using some weird Word document - Miro board hybrid, and the document was a complete mess. Sean and Meg and one other person were there, and Sean made a comment to the gal after she presented about how it was the most gorgeous deck he had ever seen, and it was exactly what they were looking for. So much so, that he wanted to take her check and share it with the rest of the company.

I was panicking at that point because I had just used a Word document with images and it was very messy, but I thought the way she went about presenting it was over dramatic and cheesy. 

Then Trevor presented and it was so 1980s buzzword bro, and I don't even think it had a deck. But luckily, it gave me some time to keep fixing my deck. Not enough, though, because when he was done, it was my turn, and I was stalling and stalling and stalling. Some giant dog behind me was barking and they could hear it on the call, so I used that as an excuse once, but that went on for far too long and I could tell Sean knew something was up. 

It was at this point that I woke up from the dream, but I still thought I was in the situation when I did. I was convinced I still had work to do for them and I was trying to problem solve how to get it done. And there was a lot of anxiety around the fact that I knew this was one big test from Sean, and probably a big trap, too. He wanted to say my work is bad and justify letting me go so that he could get the win. 

So I decided that if that was the case, and he didn't like my work and the ideas I already came up with (I wasn't going to put more effort in at this point), I would tell him oh well, you don't have to go with me, I'll send my invoice for 5 hours your way, and still get paid one way or another. 

And then I finally realized that I have been dreaming and don't work for Roto anymore and am not freelancing for them, either. I don't have any projects with them. But then it's spiraled into a whole rage over the way they handled my layoff, lying to my coworkers and purposely not including me in anything so that I couldn't correct them, and then not allowing my old project manager to hire me as a freelance writer afterward, even though I know she wanted to. And then I had a second realization that Roto dreams are going to be my adult version of having a test or having an essay due, and I didn't like that. 

But then I remembered how I owned Sean (and by proxy, Joe) in the meeting with him and Meg and showed in no unclear terms that I am not to be messed with and incredibly apt, and that made me feel better. It also made me feel better remembering that Brilliant went under, they got sued for Nautilus, fired from KSC, and I got hired by the people who fired them. I'm sure they know that. And me being on the client side gives me power. 

So fuck them.